Rumours of My Death

Teach Yourself Ignorance
-A. Earnshaw

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Sorry I haven't been around, but I've been busy. That's what happens when you're a non-famous, non-rich, non-happening person like I am. The demands on my time are finite and yet I can't seem to find time to therapeutically release my mental vomit into the waste disposal unit that is the internet. Regardless here I am. Appropriately, I'm inspired to write this update not to refute rumours of my death or possible deportation but to confirm Ray's speculation on my depression.

Life is simple sometimes, but the thing is you eventually have to develop the mental capacity to remember. Whether this happens in your second year or your twentieth, it is a sad day when we gain the ability to pierce the fog of time with our feeble minds. Life is good without a past, everything you see is your world. It's uncomplicated. It's manageable and more importantly you will never regret anything nor want for anything more. Then BAM! you suddenly have this curse of knowing the past. You learn pain... not just physical pain but the pain of doing something that you will never be able to do anything about. You learn regret. You learn to fear the future.

Let's take a situation. You are a monkey. You are offered a banana, but said banana is rigged with an electrode programmed to shock you. This shock will knock you out after a brief moment of intense pain. Do you want to wake up and remember the pain and know that you can't touch the banana? Do you want to know that you will probably starve to death? Do you want to know that without at least trying to withstand the shock you will die? Only to become more and more discouraged with each failure? Wouldn't you rather wake up each time with the thought, "Hey! Free banana!" Doomed to repeat the past but is that so bad when your future is so bleak?

Really Bad Pick-Up Lines
1: Does this smell like cholorform to you?
2: Excuse me, I was about to go masturbate and I needed a name to go with the face.
3: I'm not actually this tall. I'm sitting on my wallet.
4: I can make you feel like its my first time again.
5: Hi! I suffer from amnesia. Do I come here often?

I Wanna Check Into That Hotel

Unable to discriminate what they really need, become hyperactive, unable to say "no" to themselves, throwing self into constant activity. Uninhibited, doing and saying whatever comes to mind: storytelling, flamboyant exaggerations, witty wise-cracking, performing. Fear being bored: in perpetual motion, but do too many things — many ideas but little follow through.

Get into conspicuous consumption and all forms of excess. Self-centered, materialistic, and greedy, never feeling that they have enough. Demanding and pushy, yet unsatisfied and jaded. Addictive, hardened, and insensitive.
-Some Choice Bits About My Enneagram Personality Type (7)

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So I watched The Simple Life, you know, that show with Paris Hilton and Lionel Ritchie's Daughter. They live on some Arkansas farm and ask questions like "What's walmart?" and "What's a well for?". It was fabulous. There's nothing I enjoy more than watching rich priviledged debutantes make fools of themselves. It's great because its more entertaining than Joe Millionare, the stars are more attractive than Rich Girls, and it's production quality is much higher than the Paris Hilton sex tape.

In other news, I received word from the Department of Homeland Security. I'm to report to the Korean Embassy as soon as I can. This is not good. I hope I don't get deported because I'll be even more out of place in Korea than Paris is in Arkansas. Except I won't have a place to live or a job or even a rudimentary grasp of the language. Yeah... that'll be great. Does anyone know how to say, "Got any spare change?" in Korean?

A Metaphor:
I was walking to class when I noticed all the butterflies are gone. It is cold and the butterflies have gone away. When they return they won't know my name. They only know what they hear in music and poetry. That is why we whisper to them and watch them play in the sunshine. One day they will return when we whisper again.